Will I regret this in the morning?
Lately, I've been consumed by notions of regret. Little moments that slipped away. Merely incidents, yet they ravage my heart. Thousand of inconsequential moments that weave together to form the fabric of regret. I've always believed that once I got to a certain point in my life that regret would be null and void because every instance in my life would have led to where I was. If I was happy that all regret would be incidental because it was required to achieve said happiness.
But would if I am wrong. I recently saw a movie (a cute romantic comedy) that put my point of view in question. What if mistakes can't be undone? Maybe regret should be harped upon because it has led to your undoing. But if that is true then what is the point of regret? If something can't be undone than is regret simply a tool welded for growth. How can we move on and grow if regret glues us to the past?
My current issue of regret swirls around the little moments in life that I missed. Like never talking to that guy in college. Or never keeping in touch with that simple friendship. I feel as though my life consist of a series of regrets and nothing else. Is this because I lack the confidence to stand behind my decisions? Is it because I hate myself for being cowardly? Or is it because I feel the future holds no light for me and I'm enveloped in a past that binds me to my future?
In the end I know I will regret all the regret that overwhelmed my life. I feel as though I have learned nothing from my regrets. I live a life of could have been rather than could be. The thing about regret is that me tend to romanticize it. We turn our past into what society has done to the fifties. It was a simpler time. Everything was black and white. Young teenagers went to the soda shop in their poodle skirts. People forget that the fifties was fraught with racism and sexism. Regret works the same way, the only difference is because it never really happened, there is no way of knowing what it might have been. We always romanticize regret in that me assume that things would have been better had we done the thing we regret not doing. It's kind of like how we assume that if aliens exist that they are going to be smarter than us earthlings.
So, I will be content with my notion that things that are suppose will happen and when they are suppose to. Maybe if one of those regrets wasn't a regret but an actuality, then my life might be ten times worse. Traces of the past will always haunt us and that is ok as long as they don't control us. It's justified to look back as long as you pay attention to the road in front of you. But I don't know, maybe I will regret saying that.
But would if I am wrong. I recently saw a movie (a cute romantic comedy) that put my point of view in question. What if mistakes can't be undone? Maybe regret should be harped upon because it has led to your undoing. But if that is true then what is the point of regret? If something can't be undone than is regret simply a tool welded for growth. How can we move on and grow if regret glues us to the past?
My current issue of regret swirls around the little moments in life that I missed. Like never talking to that guy in college. Or never keeping in touch with that simple friendship. I feel as though my life consist of a series of regrets and nothing else. Is this because I lack the confidence to stand behind my decisions? Is it because I hate myself for being cowardly? Or is it because I feel the future holds no light for me and I'm enveloped in a past that binds me to my future?
In the end I know I will regret all the regret that overwhelmed my life. I feel as though I have learned nothing from my regrets. I live a life of could have been rather than could be. The thing about regret is that me tend to romanticize it. We turn our past into what society has done to the fifties. It was a simpler time. Everything was black and white. Young teenagers went to the soda shop in their poodle skirts. People forget that the fifties was fraught with racism and sexism. Regret works the same way, the only difference is because it never really happened, there is no way of knowing what it might have been. We always romanticize regret in that me assume that things would have been better had we done the thing we regret not doing. It's kind of like how we assume that if aliens exist that they are going to be smarter than us earthlings.
So, I will be content with my notion that things that are suppose will happen and when they are suppose to. Maybe if one of those regrets wasn't a regret but an actuality, then my life might be ten times worse. Traces of the past will always haunt us and that is ok as long as they don't control us. It's justified to look back as long as you pay attention to the road in front of you. But I don't know, maybe I will regret saying that.
posted by Whit at 7:19 AM
1 Comments:
The grass is always greener on the other side, and like you said, that's why we romanticize the things that could have happened, but didn't. Because their the lawn we haven't laid down on, so as far as we know it could be way more lush and green. But hey, regret is what we focus on when we're too scared to deal with reality. But then again, who isn't? This post makes my heart hurt.
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