Can you see me?

I'm the one over powered by my own shadow. If you look, if you try, you can notice that I am falling apart right in front of you. Are you too scared to start gluing the pieces back together, afraid you might inadvertently superglue your own fingers together while helping me out? But you can't see me through the smoke and mirrors I've put up and you don't both to stare beyond. We all put up our defenses; in fact we are all so busy trying to defend ourselves that no one is storming the castle. Everyone remains on their side of the battle field just thinking how to prevent a sword through the heart never paying attention to the knife plunging into our back.

But my guards are down, I surrender. But no one peeks their heads out from behind their shield, all too much in their own heads strategizing. So the war becomes a peace by shear unwillingness to put up a fight. Then why does everyone still have their swords drawn?

I've figured out the answer to the question. It is a trick. The truth being that there is no meaning to life rather it exists as a social experiment which fails to measure anything accurately because there is no control in the experiment.

How can I be out of control when there is no such thing? Control is a delusion we all participate in perpetuating. I can't find my center of gravity so the world continues to leave my head spinning. But the world revolves regardless of those who inhabit it, taking us all along for the ride.

The fog rolls in and my shadow becomes my reflection bouncing off every window. The rainy season begins as the precipitation floods from the clouds and my cornea. Each drop revealing the truth of all that is hidden on the sunny days. Cleansing the path to a new morning, the fluidity of release. Thus, change reveals itself in many forms. The process of letting go always requiring one to hit the bottom of the hole before a secret passage out can be illuminated.

But the chemical reactions remain an internal force which no one can see. Emotions are processed alone. No one really knows what anyone else can actually feel or how they feel; only able to empathize through personal experience, placing our own emotional response in an attempt to relate.

Can you see me? Only through your eyes.

I'm Not That Girl

Stop treating me like I am that girl. I can hear the subtext in what you are saying. I'm not a fool, don't pretend that I am. I have worth, you know. Just because I am a female doesn't mean the only valuable contribution I can make to society is with my looks, or lack there of. I am not the person you type cast me as. I don't want to be credited in your movie with this title card. I'm not the funny girl. I'm not the smart girl. I'm not the pretty girl. I am a human being, so start talking to me as such. But mostly, I am not one of your guy friends, there are somethings that should remain between the boys.

Women don't want to be objectified but at the same time they hate even more when another woman is objectified because we view it as an insult to us. If you say another person is pretty we hear that you think we are a dog. We are crazy creatures, but it all fosters from the societal insecurity instilled into us.

Don't tell me what kind of woman I am. Don't label me or put me into some category. Because I will categorically deny whatever pigeon hole you put me in. I am not who you think I am, I have never let you see who I am so don't be presumptuous. I will be whoever I want to be. Just because I am not up to your holier than thou standards, don't think I am not worthy of your respect.

I hate LA. There is no meaning here. Value is measured in golden tresses. Can't I have any value as a person if I am not a blond? In LA, that is like asking for a white Christmas.

You make me feel hideous. You make me want to be invisible. You make me see that you are the one that might lack worth.

Stop telling me what kind of woman I can't be. And I will stop thinking about the kind of man you are.

An ant looks big from this angle

Why do we all try to cut ourselves down to the size a single molecule? And why are some people so eager to help us out. Why is our natural inclination to tare things down rather than to build things up? I don't get it, we are all in this rat race together. Life is hard enough to get through without any added obstacles. So why do we let people do it? Why don't we walk away? Sometimes walking away is the only thing that will make us feel big again.