It's official, I'm having a nervous breakdown. I don't know what I have gotten myself into. I feel like Alice falling down the hole, down into the dark abyss not sure what will break my fall that the bottom. Or have I already hit rock bottom? I try to get to the bottom of this but all I get is more unanswered questions, questions I didn't know I had until they flooded my from my subconscious to my conscious. But still, no answers.
Where is that white rabbit going and what intrigues me to blindly follow? Sometimes I'm not sure if I can see anything at all, blinded by ambition? Hardly. Blinded by love? I wish. Blinded by the light? Here's hoping.
All I know is the fear incapacitates me, I'm not sure I ever knew I had all this fear in me. I've become claustrophobic within myself, yet I can't escape myself, there in lays the problem. Going mad with anticipation, regret, and paranoia. Not knowing if the path keeps taking me in a direction not pointing North. But maybe that is truly living, not seeing the road in front of you and just putting one foot in front of the other, regardless. Fear makes you feel alive, heightens all emotional responses. But it also dictates, never ceasing its power.
So here is the real problem; why should I continue on a road that is anything but smooth terrain when the view at the top is not what I aspire to see? But am I really aspiring to anything when I do nothing to achieve such a differing view.
Stop freaking out! You can do this. Be strong for crying out loud. Suck it up and live up to your potential. Be afraid to fail but try nonetheless, that is the only road to success. Success isn't a path you just stumble upon. It's a path that requires you to find your footing and seek a higher ground. Don't act the fool even though it's what you are use to. Find the courage to trust your abilities and to squelch the voices in your head. I can do this, I must find the tools I need to pull of the ultimate deception: that I actually know what I am doing.
