Why do you hate me? The machine ate your fax.
Work seems to be bipolar. People's moods are like a massive wave at a Yankees/Sox game. Up out of their seats one minute and flopping back down the next. I am like Roger Clemens to a Sox fan. One day I am Roger Clemens of the Sox and the next day I am Roger Clemens of the Yankees. Once loved, then hated.
Iris and I share this sentiment. Sadly, today was Yankee day, in Fenway, for Iris. Not everyone was an ass to her, but one fan taunted her with no mercy. However, that fan is her imaginary boyfriend. Finally, I think she is going to dump him. I always told her that he was dead weight, especially with the wife and kids. But Iris likes her emotionally abusive imaginary boyfriend. Although, today seemed to push her over the edge. She might even sign up for self-defense classes tonight. How do you protect yourself from an emotional tyrant. It would be much easier for her to get over him if he simple hit her over the head with some faxes or even with her name plate after she drops a call. But no, he doesn't use brute force. That might be too kind for a feeling stomper such as him. If he was physical she could just kick the crap out of him and be done with it.
Iris likes him for his good fashion sense. She says that his clothes are cool because they are ultra conservative like everyone else, only he gives him a little edge. Mod boy as we refer to him does have a nice flare in the clothing department. It's ironic, how can someone who has a keen fashion sense have bad taste? He does have bad taste. He is nice to the assholes and an ass to the nice people. What the heck is wrong with him? I know the answer to that.
As for me, most people don't know that I exist unless they need a fax sent or some help filing things from the 80s. But today was different. I had conversations with co-workers. Honestly, I didn't know they knew how to talk. Actually, that's not true. I knew that they knew how to talk: down to me, at me, and about me. But, I didn't think they would hold a conversation with me. Granted, it wasn't a meaningful conversation, but Rome wasn't built in a day.
It's funny that the people who first appear to be mean and cold always end up being the nicest. I learned that lesson in high school when all of my best friends I hated when I first met them. The same is definitely true at work. Now, having been here for six months I've seen it happen. My two favorite co-workers scared the hell out of me when I first came. I thought they hated me, but they were always the ones doing nice things for me. I have two theories about this. First, initial impressions are always contrary to what the person actually is. I guess, in my opinion, first impressions are ironic in that the actual meaning is the exact opposite of the literal meaning. I try stay away from the literal meaning first impressions because they are the ones who stab you in the back. The literal people are the Et Tu Brutus of the world. I like the actual meaning. In fact I try to avoid people who are seemingly ultra nice. This brings me to my second theory, more precisely, to Newton's theory. Newton's third axiom: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Newton applies this to the physical world, I apply it to emotions. I avoid nice people because I don't want to be around when they blow. Plus, people who say nice things are thinking bad thoughts. Newton's 3rd Axiom; it's genius. To me these theories are laws, despite the fact that theories can never become laws. Universal truths can be deciphered with Kant's categorical imperative, but theories those become universal truths to the individual. I don't know. Maybe I should discuss this with my co-workers. I shall stand on my desk and yell, "Friends, Romans, Co-workers, lend me your ears." On second thought, I don't want them to get the wrong impression of me.
Iris and I share this sentiment. Sadly, today was Yankee day, in Fenway, for Iris. Not everyone was an ass to her, but one fan taunted her with no mercy. However, that fan is her imaginary boyfriend. Finally, I think she is going to dump him. I always told her that he was dead weight, especially with the wife and kids. But Iris likes her emotionally abusive imaginary boyfriend. Although, today seemed to push her over the edge. She might even sign up for self-defense classes tonight. How do you protect yourself from an emotional tyrant. It would be much easier for her to get over him if he simple hit her over the head with some faxes or even with her name plate after she drops a call. But no, he doesn't use brute force. That might be too kind for a feeling stomper such as him. If he was physical she could just kick the crap out of him and be done with it.
Iris likes him for his good fashion sense. She says that his clothes are cool because they are ultra conservative like everyone else, only he gives him a little edge. Mod boy as we refer to him does have a nice flare in the clothing department. It's ironic, how can someone who has a keen fashion sense have bad taste? He does have bad taste. He is nice to the assholes and an ass to the nice people. What the heck is wrong with him? I know the answer to that.
As for me, most people don't know that I exist unless they need a fax sent or some help filing things from the 80s. But today was different. I had conversations with co-workers. Honestly, I didn't know they knew how to talk. Actually, that's not true. I knew that they knew how to talk: down to me, at me, and about me. But, I didn't think they would hold a conversation with me. Granted, it wasn't a meaningful conversation, but Rome wasn't built in a day.
It's funny that the people who first appear to be mean and cold always end up being the nicest. I learned that lesson in high school when all of my best friends I hated when I first met them. The same is definitely true at work. Now, having been here for six months I've seen it happen. My two favorite co-workers scared the hell out of me when I first came. I thought they hated me, but they were always the ones doing nice things for me. I have two theories about this. First, initial impressions are always contrary to what the person actually is. I guess, in my opinion, first impressions are ironic in that the actual meaning is the exact opposite of the literal meaning. I try stay away from the literal meaning first impressions because they are the ones who stab you in the back. The literal people are the Et Tu Brutus of the world. I like the actual meaning. In fact I try to avoid people who are seemingly ultra nice. This brings me to my second theory, more precisely, to Newton's theory. Newton's third axiom: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Newton applies this to the physical world, I apply it to emotions. I avoid nice people because I don't want to be around when they blow. Plus, people who say nice things are thinking bad thoughts. Newton's 3rd Axiom; it's genius. To me these theories are laws, despite the fact that theories can never become laws. Universal truths can be deciphered with Kant's categorical imperative, but theories those become universal truths to the individual. I don't know. Maybe I should discuss this with my co-workers. I shall stand on my desk and yell, "Friends, Romans, Co-workers, lend me your ears." On second thought, I don't want them to get the wrong impression of me.
posted by Whit at 2:12 PM
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