Long Weekend Woes

I've just come back from an overly long weekend. I don't know how people can do it. Returning to my mundane work universe is too tragic. The memory of this place had been fully erased. Every memorized extension has vanished. Every daily routine forgotten. And every instant spent here removed from my mind. But one step back here and all the memories flood back despite the fact that you aren't wearing rain boots. So, here I sit with mud up to my ankles, wondering why I'm here again. Who did I piss off? I sit here in spite of myself and because of myself.

There has to be more out there. I can't believe that the only purpose in life is to work so as to merely pay your bills. Why do humans have to screw things up? Industrialization has destroy any purpose to life. Life, like the society it co-exists with, has become a mechanism of the machine. We've become a machine. Our routine like clockwork. The machine grinds our spirit. It becomes all that we know. We forget the pre-industrial world. We forget who we are or who we wanted to be.

Honestly, some days I don't even remember what it is that I ever wanted out of life. And I'm certain that I don't know what life wants out of me. All I know is that I can't just exist. Breathing is not enough for me. It's not enough to just be alive, I want to be living. How do I accomplish that? How do I become the person I want to be? Is that why people give up? Is it too difficult to find a solution that the problem becomes easier to deal with or ignore than it does to solve it. Do people just bid their time waiting, hoping the answer will come to them. I know that is what I do. You can only tread water for so long. The abyss will eventually suck you under. I don't think I can hold my breath that much longer.