I'm done with them.

I am so sick of having crushes on guys with girlfriend and fiances. No more. I can't handle the nice guys who are unavailable. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but after four guys in the last year I'm starting to think it is me. Safe crush I suppose. But I don't know, I usually like them before I find out, so I think it is rather karma playing a joke on me. What did I do in a past life to deserve this. All I want is for them to no longer be nice to me, don't joke with me, don't give me those eyes. Leave me alone, be mean. Have a heart and treat me like shit.

Where is Cary Grant when you need him? Is it so much to ask for a nice and strong man. Watching Tom Cruise go crazy on Oprah made part of me wanting to believe it was true and the other part of me wanting to believe it was a hoax. I don't know if it is better to believe it exists out there or to not believe so you aren't sad that you don't have it. But then I think too many people settle. This one guy got engage the other day and I wouldn't have known if someone didn't say anything. He wasn't glowing or even chipper. I don't know, it seems like you should be bouncing from the ceilings. Too many movies, I know. But maybe not, maybe the attainment of contentment becomes enough.

But please, whatever you do, don't talk to me. I'm all for longing, but this is ridiculous. Don't lead me on with your pleasantries. Cease making me smile with your sincere jokes. I'm not this sweet girl who you can safely flirt with. It might be safe for you, but it is deadly for me. Stop damaging my heart before a single man can come along and fix it before it become inoperable.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Fine, I will be the bigger person. I will be a bitch to you maybe then you will get the hint and reciprocate by being the asshole that I need you to be. Ok, deal. I'd shake on it but fear the repercussion of physical contact to my psyche. Instead the head nod will have to do. I'm glad we had this talk.