Piss off
Today some asshole on the phone asked me if I knew what email was. I wanted to ask him if he knew what an asshole was. People are such bastards!!! I know I've become some what mechanic at answering the phone but despite my pre-recorded sounding greeting, there is an actual human being on the other end of this line. Just once I would like for someone to treat me like one. When you cut me, do I not bleed? When I hang up on you, do I not talk about what a piss ant you are?
The problem is when you are the low man on the totem pole then you are easy aim to piss on because if you try to piss on the top most likely you will end up with piss on your face. But the piss isn't confined to my leg, it also saturates the area around my desk. But that is more of a repercussion of dogs marking their territory. But everyone needs to ease up because I can't afford all this Resolve on my salary.
Really people should be kissing my ass for blessing them with my presence and my brilliance. I shouldn't have to put up with people's crap. They should have to put up with my conceit. Why do people always got to be putting me on the defensive? I'm small, I'm much better at point.
Why is it that the more wrong someone is the louder someone yells? Wrongness should be inversely proportional to volume of speech. I just want to be like: "Dude, I'm sorry your life is such a miserable piece of dung that you have to make me feel smaller thus bringing the only tidbit of joy known to your existence that you can possibly muster up; therefore, making no difference to you that it is at someone else's expense."
Someone just put me on hold to answer their call waiting. Umm. I don't think so buddy. This is a switchboard for over 125 employees, we got to keep the line moving. I can stop to make small pleasantries and giggle for a nano second, but this is a loading and unloading zone only, don't make me tow your ass. I hate the fact that once someone is an ass to you, you inadvertently begin to be an ass to them. It is this horrible cycle. Started by one.
I wonder about the world's first asshole. What was the initial incident that set it all off? Because asshole is a dominate gene that is always inherited or acquired. Was the first incident a result of a woman PMSing or a man who was sexually frustrated (possibly because said woman was PMSing). Did someone accidentally throw a fellow caveman's favorite pet rock into the river and unable to swim to rescue said precious item the caveman invented some cuss words in retaliation? Or is it a post industrial phenomenon, some factory worker became jealous because of the break down of production into the assembly line since he wasn't assigned to making widgets, and widgets were his favorite part of the entire building process, so he threw a wadget at the head of the widget maker. I don't know, but curse the asshole who started the trend.
Now I must suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I swear, the wealthier people are the more worried they are about their money. You have to deal with clients that call everyday because they have nothing better to do than check on their ever growing pile of money. I just want to be like: "Don't worry buddy, you still have more money than me and if God was one of us than you would have more money than God too. So why don't you go and enjoy the marvels that the world has to offer and leave little old me alone to blog all day, really it will serve both of us better that way."
Whenever, wherever, whoever the asshole was created I just wish that they would become extinct already. Then maybe I wouldn't be so bitter all of the time, instead I would just be bitter some of the time. Trust me, the world would be a better place if that happened because my bitterness is like the Richter scale, every point of magnitude is ten times greater in amplitude. My earthquakes occur on the asshole fault. Today there has been a lot of seismic activity. I hope this blog wasn't too big of an aftershock for you all. I don't want to be the asshole who sets off a whole series of quakes. But I don't think it is too bad. I'd give my rant a 2.4.
The problem is when you are the low man on the totem pole then you are easy aim to piss on because if you try to piss on the top most likely you will end up with piss on your face. But the piss isn't confined to my leg, it also saturates the area around my desk. But that is more of a repercussion of dogs marking their territory. But everyone needs to ease up because I can't afford all this Resolve on my salary.
Really people should be kissing my ass for blessing them with my presence and my brilliance. I shouldn't have to put up with people's crap. They should have to put up with my conceit. Why do people always got to be putting me on the defensive? I'm small, I'm much better at point.
Why is it that the more wrong someone is the louder someone yells? Wrongness should be inversely proportional to volume of speech. I just want to be like: "Dude, I'm sorry your life is such a miserable piece of dung that you have to make me feel smaller thus bringing the only tidbit of joy known to your existence that you can possibly muster up; therefore, making no difference to you that it is at someone else's expense."
Someone just put me on hold to answer their call waiting. Umm. I don't think so buddy. This is a switchboard for over 125 employees, we got to keep the line moving. I can stop to make small pleasantries and giggle for a nano second, but this is a loading and unloading zone only, don't make me tow your ass. I hate the fact that once someone is an ass to you, you inadvertently begin to be an ass to them. It is this horrible cycle. Started by one.
I wonder about the world's first asshole. What was the initial incident that set it all off? Because asshole is a dominate gene that is always inherited or acquired. Was the first incident a result of a woman PMSing or a man who was sexually frustrated (possibly because said woman was PMSing). Did someone accidentally throw a fellow caveman's favorite pet rock into the river and unable to swim to rescue said precious item the caveman invented some cuss words in retaliation? Or is it a post industrial phenomenon, some factory worker became jealous because of the break down of production into the assembly line since he wasn't assigned to making widgets, and widgets were his favorite part of the entire building process, so he threw a wadget at the head of the widget maker. I don't know, but curse the asshole who started the trend.
Now I must suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. I swear, the wealthier people are the more worried they are about their money. You have to deal with clients that call everyday because they have nothing better to do than check on their ever growing pile of money. I just want to be like: "Don't worry buddy, you still have more money than me and if God was one of us than you would have more money than God too. So why don't you go and enjoy the marvels that the world has to offer and leave little old me alone to blog all day, really it will serve both of us better that way."
Whenever, wherever, whoever the asshole was created I just wish that they would become extinct already. Then maybe I wouldn't be so bitter all of the time, instead I would just be bitter some of the time. Trust me, the world would be a better place if that happened because my bitterness is like the Richter scale, every point of magnitude is ten times greater in amplitude. My earthquakes occur on the asshole fault. Today there has been a lot of seismic activity. I hope this blog wasn't too big of an aftershock for you all. I don't want to be the asshole who sets off a whole series of quakes. But I don't think it is too bad. I'd give my rant a 2.4.
posted by Whit at 2:25 PM
1 Comments:
Whitney! Lucky you...I just bought a can of Resolve yesterday. Whitty post... ;) Very astute.
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