Life is kicking my ass.
I’ve put up a fight, but today I acknowledge that I have gotten a major ass kicking from life. I try to deny it, but I can’t keep looking down at my legs and wonder where all the bruises came from. While I realize that I am down, I've been pretending that the slow motion kick to the stomach wasn’t coming. But today’s results just signal that which I already felt but was in too much shock to resister. That ray of hope is now a mere flicker. The buzzing in my head is the taunting of the halo-gen light drawing its last breath.
I breathe a deep sigh, not of relief rather of unwanting belief. The whispers in my ear are not that of a nation divide but of a nation decided. The unthinkable has been thought and the battle will go unfought. Meaning and wonder seem to be drifting away. Not knowing whether I will ever know what they look like if I ever encounter them again. Faith seems to have been proven a mirage. Yet, I'm stuck in the desert still thirsty and looking for anything to quench it.
I know nothing about everything. That which I held to be self-evident has self-destructed. I am left in the ruble in search of anything that makes sense. My life seems to be crumbling around me, one thing falling at a time but still one after another. Everything is chaos. An anarchical state exists within my being, and it is not a peaceful one. The conflict leads me to feel nothing after the long battles take a toll on my very spirit. At night when I retreat to my camp, I find that the extent of the wounds is too monstrous to recover from or overcome. Each day I get up to fight a losing battle. Moral is low, the troops begin to have little to grasp too.
I have screwed myself over. And the universe seems to be getting in line to have its chance. That which I cannot do myself, the powers that be have no problem compensating for. I don’t know what I am going to do a week from today; my birthday is bound to be a bloody day of the war. I hope that some troops will hold tight. Each soldier’s death leaves me a little more dead inside. I can't really say that I care about anything anymore. At least last night I had one thing keeping me motivated but now it is just another quick burning log thrown on the fire of discontent.
Today’s results are not the end; they just aren’t the beginning. Only history can truly judge our sins. But on this front, at least I drew my sword, it just sucks that the sole thing it came in contact with was air. At least on this issue I can sleep at night with a clear conscience. Although sleeping has never been the problem, rather it is just one more thing that makes it that much harder to get out of bed in the morning. Not like it wasn’t painful enough to move with all bruises. Let me tell you, when life sets out to kick your ass, it leaves no prisoners. In the smackdown of life, no bone is left unbroken.
I breathe a deep sigh, not of relief rather of unwanting belief. The whispers in my ear are not that of a nation divide but of a nation decided. The unthinkable has been thought and the battle will go unfought. Meaning and wonder seem to be drifting away. Not knowing whether I will ever know what they look like if I ever encounter them again. Faith seems to have been proven a mirage. Yet, I'm stuck in the desert still thirsty and looking for anything to quench it.
I know nothing about everything. That which I held to be self-evident has self-destructed. I am left in the ruble in search of anything that makes sense. My life seems to be crumbling around me, one thing falling at a time but still one after another. Everything is chaos. An anarchical state exists within my being, and it is not a peaceful one. The conflict leads me to feel nothing after the long battles take a toll on my very spirit. At night when I retreat to my camp, I find that the extent of the wounds is too monstrous to recover from or overcome. Each day I get up to fight a losing battle. Moral is low, the troops begin to have little to grasp too.
I have screwed myself over. And the universe seems to be getting in line to have its chance. That which I cannot do myself, the powers that be have no problem compensating for. I don’t know what I am going to do a week from today; my birthday is bound to be a bloody day of the war. I hope that some troops will hold tight. Each soldier’s death leaves me a little more dead inside. I can't really say that I care about anything anymore. At least last night I had one thing keeping me motivated but now it is just another quick burning log thrown on the fire of discontent.
Today’s results are not the end; they just aren’t the beginning. Only history can truly judge our sins. But on this front, at least I drew my sword, it just sucks that the sole thing it came in contact with was air. At least on this issue I can sleep at night with a clear conscience. Although sleeping has never been the problem, rather it is just one more thing that makes it that much harder to get out of bed in the morning. Not like it wasn’t painful enough to move with all bruises. Let me tell you, when life sets out to kick your ass, it leaves no prisoners. In the smackdown of life, no bone is left unbroken.
posted by Whit at 10:14 AM
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