Political Issues

I figured since no one really likes to discuss political issues, I would instead talk about my own issues. Of these I have many. Today the one that reigns supreme is: guilt. I feel so guilty all the time about insignificant things. I feel guilty when someone wants to buy me lunch and I don't feel as though I've earned it. I don't want things that other people, who do as much as myself, don't get. That is so un-American of me. We should always want things we don't deserve. And that much I do. I have no problem with striving or yearning for such thing, but once I actually get them I feel bad. Is that weird?

Another side effect of this issue is that I can't say no. I blame this problem on the Reagans. Since they encouraged people to "just say no" and I encourage myself to do everything contrary to the Reagan administration. Thus, I've become a push over at the Reagan administration's making. I know that Julia is going to yell at me; leave some message about how I have to think better of myself. This I know, but I can't change how I feel.

The most selfless people in this world are so because they don't think they are worthy of being selfish. I don't think my guilt is really about self-esteem issues. Believe it or not, contrary to the image projected in this blog, I don't have self-esteem issues. Self-confidence issues are another story. The differences being that I know I am a great person but I have little faith that other people can see that.

So, if my guilt isn't about self-esteem, what is it about? My answer: Communism. Or more accurately: Marxism. I feel deep down that everyone should be equal. Which would really be: Socialism. But actually: Catholism. I am a product of the protestant work ethic with the heart of a catholic (don't kill me Julia). I don't mean the modern day catholic, just like when I say anything beneficial about the republicans I don't mean modern day. I suppose I am just fundamentally torn. I am cold and I am torn lying naked on the floor.