Burn, baby, burn.

I'm so fucking tired that my body actually burns from exhaustion. My body has seized functioning with my earlier morning wake up calls. This, I'm sure, is a telltale sign that my body as wells as my psyche can't deal with the alarm going off at 5am for five straight days. It's just unnatural to wake up that early. My poor sleep cycle has been conditioned for the past 24 years not to wake up before the tender hour of eight or at least seven. It's hard to recondition your sleep patterns especially if you've worked extra hard to set a consistent one. I've not adjusted my patterns probably for fear of commitment to these hours. To adapt would be to surrender to this job, this I will never do.

I want so badly for December to be over and it hasn't even begun. I've felt like this for the past two weeks and yet December won't even commence let alone end. It's not the holidays that I dread, I like the mood and spirit at this time; I just don't want to work two jobs during the season. But we do what we have to do. Life as it turns out sucks, and holds no hope for me. Hey, I'm dealing with that, for a change. I can know what I have to do. I can do what I have to do. I just don't have to like what I have to do. Maybe it is better to suffer during the holidays because at least there the immense pleasure and joy infused in the air that it balances the torture out better than it would during the rest of the year when everyone and everything, to use the dialect of the season, are Scrooges.

All I know is that today I could go home and sleep. There's a high likelihood that I might sleep through new years if my body's tiredness is any indication. If only sleeping through the rest of 2004 was possible then I would believe in Christmas miracles. Until that time comes, I will just have to rely on ABC family's 25 days of Christmas to provide my miracles.