At the top of a dried up well looking down.
I feel as though life is a series of events that you talk yourself into doing. There is nothing innate in what I do; nothing drives me other than boredom. It is amazing the lengths I go to in order to satiate my need for any remnants of excitement. Case in point, I develop crushes in order to divert my attention from the monotony that surrounds me. I pick a person that peaks my interest in least bit, then I edit his actions and personality to suit my ideal.
It is sad because when you have a crush on some character that is loosely based on someone then the actual character in your head represents you falling for yourself. I have found a new target. But for once I am trying to talk myself out of the crush but it is hard because I've worked so long to develop a disposition whose survival depends on them. My problem is that I also make sure there is an additional safety guard besides my unreal expectations. I make sure that the person is involved, i.e. married, in a relationship, or best yet gay. This allows me to be the ultimate commitment phobic without having to admit it to myself.
Amazing what a little imagination and lack of direction can do. Idle actions facilitate a life that never has to actually be led. When you conduct your life in your head then it is easier to stop, play, and pause. You can do a 360-degree around a still image; there are no outside elements to factor in. But what makes one way of living infinitely better than the other? Is a life lived in your own internal universe really that much worse than a life emerged in the physical world. Why does life have to be defined by actions and reactions? Can't growth occur without a catalyst? Maybe the physical world is merely a springboard for life. This tangible world is just the starting point for a vastly unexplored universe that exists within all of us.
As a society we rely on the external to give validation to ourselves. But there are limitations to elements and physicality; there are no limits to the expansive planes of the mind. I can live a thousand minutes, a million days, and a billion years in my mind in mere seconds, I don't care what Einstein says about relativity because there is no way that the universe can do that. Maybe it is ok to use the outside world to spark creativity and inspiration for the internal nation that I rule. So there is no harm in my crushes and even if I forget that it's ok because he is engaged anyways.
It is sad because when you have a crush on some character that is loosely based on someone then the actual character in your head represents you falling for yourself. I have found a new target. But for once I am trying to talk myself out of the crush but it is hard because I've worked so long to develop a disposition whose survival depends on them. My problem is that I also make sure there is an additional safety guard besides my unreal expectations. I make sure that the person is involved, i.e. married, in a relationship, or best yet gay. This allows me to be the ultimate commitment phobic without having to admit it to myself.
Amazing what a little imagination and lack of direction can do. Idle actions facilitate a life that never has to actually be led. When you conduct your life in your head then it is easier to stop, play, and pause. You can do a 360-degree around a still image; there are no outside elements to factor in. But what makes one way of living infinitely better than the other? Is a life lived in your own internal universe really that much worse than a life emerged in the physical world. Why does life have to be defined by actions and reactions? Can't growth occur without a catalyst? Maybe the physical world is merely a springboard for life. This tangible world is just the starting point for a vastly unexplored universe that exists within all of us.
As a society we rely on the external to give validation to ourselves. But there are limitations to elements and physicality; there are no limits to the expansive planes of the mind. I can live a thousand minutes, a million days, and a billion years in my mind in mere seconds, I don't care what Einstein says about relativity because there is no way that the universe can do that. Maybe it is ok to use the outside world to spark creativity and inspiration for the internal nation that I rule. So there is no harm in my crushes and even if I forget that it's ok because he is engaged anyways.
posted by Whit at 2:13 PM
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